How marriage is stigmatized in India, especially for women
A conversation led me into writing this article
One evening, my sister asked me what I think about dating. I replied, “Well, I think it’s a nice way to explore who you’d like to be with and search for your partner in the process.” She then asked what I have to say about people who go on multiple dates and can’t find that one person they want to marry. I said, “You can’t date 15–20 people a year. You will surely get exhausted after a point of time, annoyed at yourself, and feel hopeless”. Her immediate and nonchalant reply was, “That’s not entirely true. Moreover, you don’t know much about this. You’re still very young. In our society, no matter how often you date, you’ll probably be married off before you’re thirty years old.” I agree with the latter half.
You’re 30 and aging!
Being born a girl is considered a sin in many Indian households (there could be a whole new article on this, but let's stick to marriage for now). Growing up, as a girl reaches her twenties, she is asked about her future plans and as she reaches the age of twenty-five, she is sandwiched into the pressure of marrying. Some families set a deadline saying you have to get married between 25–30, while some others are quite lenient (but that’s too small a number). In rural areas, they don’t wait for so long. If you’re eighteen, it is seen as the right age for you to get married. Many girls don’t even get a chance to complete their education due to this very reason. In poor households too, girls have to marry at an early age so that their parents can sustain themselves.
Indian parents start investing in gold, diamond, or platinum, and this is when the girl gets to know that it’s time for her to look for a partner. In Indian society, as a woman, if you’ve crossed your mid-twenties, you’re old enough and need to get married as soon as possible (otherwise relatives, neighborhood aunties, and others will begin their discussions if you know what I mean). Parents consider it a responsibility to get their children married due to the exorbitant amount of money it takes to organize this life-changing event.
“A happy marriage is the union of two good frogivers” — Ruth Bell Graham
Dowry — a social evil
There exists the Dowry Prohibition Act 1961 in India. Despite this, many parents (usually the daughter’s) are forced and bound to give dowry to the other family. Dowry is the transfer of property, gifts, or money from the parents of the daughter, to the parents of the groom, upon marriage. Many women become victims of sexual, emotional, physical abuse, and violence due to dowry. They keep demanding for more; and when the bride is not able to give back according to the groom’s wishes, she is abused to the extent of death or suicide. This is not only prevalent in rural India but also very evident in the urban areas too!
Most parents are still unknowingly giving dowry in the form of jewelry, car, and similar gifts.
Yours truly
Not only letters, notes, or advice, but lives end with this line too. These stigmas and a lot more contribute to the way marriage is looked at in India. Parents should stop branding an age for their children to get married and encourage them to take the time they require. These age bars aren’t usually set for men in India. Parents should give their daughters the freedom to choose when and who they want to marry. Rushing through important events such as a marriage can end up in uncalled and unwanted consequences.
This article was inspired by and emerged from the conversation I had with my sister, along with my course work in Psychology.
Those in distress can reach out to the following mail id’s and the number’s in this article.
