A topsy-turvy 2019
The beginning of 2019
The clock struck 12 and immediately I called my sister to wish her a happy new year. I had stepped into 2019. I wished for happiness and prosperity in everyone’s life. The upcoming months were hectic because the 12th board exams were approaching and I was frantically preparing for it. I did not want to think about anything else other than focusing on exams. The hard work had paid off. This year was also the first time I traveled abroad. I had never imagined in my wildest dreams that I would be able to visit those places. It was a trip planned for The States. The trip was an eye-opener. I spoke to some of the natives, gathered information about their lives, visited new places, monuments, statues, and of course had a taste of the delicacies. After one and a half months of letting my hair down and enjoying the luxury, I had to get back to the rat race.
The pressure of getting into a good college began again just like it had happened after 10th grade. Even after getting pretty good grades, I did not expect not to make it to the so-called top college for my course. After 10th grade, I wanted to get into the same college but this time the cut-off was much higher than I expected. The college found another excuse this time not to admit students like me and others who scored pretty well. Anyways, I got into an adequate college. Over the vacation, before college began, I tried finishing my travel blog and doing other productive work.
But, what next?
My college started and the first couple of months went well until I came upon some thoughts that pricked my mind profoundly. Firstly, I faced an inferiority complex with myself. I thought that I wasn’t doing anything worthwhile and just wasting my life. The fear of low self-esteem dawned upon me. I had a feeling that no one needed me anymore. I needed someone to talk to. I also thought that I could become a big shot in a short period but I didn’t know how? Anyways, I came across a person who I thought I could consider to be a very good friend but it didn’t turn out the way I expected it to. And a thought (which, when I think of now, is foolish and idiotic) occurred to me that I needed a “ male best friend” who I could open up and talk to every day. I now realize very well that it was very stupid of me to think in that manner. Everyone passes through a “weird phase” in their life and this was the one for me. It’s okay. It takes time, but eventually, we all get through it. Talk to your friends and loved ones if you’re going through a difficult time.
A few months passed by and I couldn’t evade that feeling of feeling worthless. Secondly, I had never felt so useless and detached from the surrounding. I felt like what I was doing wasn’t enough, I’ve got to do more, achieve more, reach greater heights, and so on. Quite the contrary, I also realized that all this wouldn’t work out overnight. I lost engrossment in college, I didn’t want to go to college anymore. The kind of thoughts that occurred to me were of this kind — I don’t have enough knowledge, people look down upon me, they know a lot more than I do, what am I even up to in life, etc. These thoughts occurred to me for a couple of months until I took a day off from college and started this blog on Medium. I just couldn’t sit and think, I had to take action. DO IT PRACTICALLY. That one day break changed my thinking pattern and led me to how I work things out today. When I think of my past, I feel glad that I’ve changed as a person. I am happier and try to be positive in difficult times.
365 new days, 365 new chances
An advanced Happy New Year to all my readers and folks across the world. 22 days for this year to end and a new year to come. Get up already and finish those stacked up things that you’ve been wanting to do, but couldn’t do in these 343 days. It’s never too late to start. I hope 2020 will be a year overloaded with laughter, joy, and positive thoughts.
